The Consequences of Fishing
by Tadashi-of-the-Fire-Nation
Summary: Mmm late night drabbbles are the best ahhaaaaaa not really. Characters belong to Disney and Blizzard and I don't them yo. And ignore my heinous spelling mistake. God I make myself sick.


The Consequences of Fishing – Drabble

Fiske's Point of View

The first task I assigned Hiro was pretty simple. Catch a god damn fish. How difficult is it to put the fishing rod in the water, and catch a god damn fish? Apparently for someone like Hiro the fishing rod has too many moving parts. At least he was managing to keep himself in the boat, for now anyway. It boggles the mind, I have sat there many a time and just watched as this nerd cake constructed the most incredible inventions before my very eyes. Inventions that could change lives and advance technology so much faster than anyone thought possible. But this simple brown halibut was outsmarting a robotics prodigy. The whole experience was just as baffling as it was amusing.

"Shit!" Hiro exclaimed, as he proceeded to drop the whole damn fishing rod into the lake.

"God damn you're a walking disaster," I said, _fishing _the rod back out of the water again and cautiously handing it back to him.

"You think I'm fucking up just for the halibut?" Hiro asked in a huff.

"You're upset and still making puns. Amazing," I replied, "Come on Hiro. I know you can do this. Any fin is possible if you don't trout yourself."

"Whale obviously. And when you actually come up with good fish puns, let minnow," He replied, readying his fishing rod for another failure.

"Shut up, Hiroshima. You're supposed to be quiet while you fish," I answered, getting my own fishing rod ready to put into the water.

Hiro stuck his tongue out at me, "I'll be quiet when I damn well please, you piece of carp."

"Oh my lord could you please?" I asked.

"Continue? Of course I can," Hiro replied, "These fish puns are kraken me up."

I groaned, "Just catch the fish, you flaming turd pile."

"Alright, alright. I'm getting around to it," Hiro retorted before finally hushing up.

Silence enveloped the lake. For the first few minutes it was an uncomfortable silence, but after a little while it became pretty relaxing. Halfway through the afternoon I had caught about three fish and Hiro had still caught about none. By now he had a rivalry going with that same brown halibut that I mentioned earlier. Spoiler alert. The fish won by a landslide. I could hear Hiro mutter something angrily under his breath. Something about the fish's mother being a prostitute.

The fish heard him. I looked over just in time to see a very angry fish launching itself out of the water and straight at Hiro's face. Hiro's first reaction was to back that ass up and away from the scaly kamikaze, then his next instinct was to… slap it? Hiro slapped the fish down and to the side of him. I didn't think that was necessarily the best way to catch a fish but it certainly worked. The fish landed in the boat an inch in front of me and began suffocating, as Hiro himself toppled over backwards and you guessed it. Fell right out of the boat.

Lesson one on how to be a Viking and already he's a friggin' dropout. Does his glory know no bounds? Hiro resurfaced in seconds and was scrambling frantically into the boat. I should rephrase that. He was _trying_ to scramble frantically back into the boat. His small stature was proving to be the largest detriment to his progress. Hiro managed to get half of his body into the vessel. I hurried over to him, grabbed him by the hips, and hauled the rest of his body into the boat. With his messy hair now drenched and cascading down over half of his face he looked a bit like a drowned cat. A very distressed and embittered drowned cat.

"What the hell Hiro!? You don't catch fish by challenging them to fisticuffs!" I said, grabbing the oars to begin paddling back to shore.

"Well, F-f-fiske, you f-f-failed t-to tell m-me that!" Hiro answered a bit defensively as he pushed his hair up and out of his eyes, teeth chattering furiously as he hugged himself for warmth, "I knew th-there was s-s-something fishy g-going on."

I sighed in exasperation, "Good grief. I just hope we can get you back to the house and warm you up before the mild hypothermia morphs into a more severe case. You're just lucky it's not snowing today."

Hiro trembled more and more violently the longer we were outside. I was moving as fast as I could, but I could tell that he was getting worse and worse by the minute. Damn my slow rowing. I had no idea exactly how cold it was out here but it was definitely cold enough to be dangerous for someone who threw themselves into a large body of water. We leapt out of the boat as soon as we docked but Hiro quickly began slowing down after a few feet of brisk power walking.

The wind picked up and he stopped, looking a lot paler than usual and shivering at an alarming rate now, "Fiske can we take a break? I'm getting dizzy."

I hastily strode over to him and much to his dismay, picked him up bridal style, "Nope. We've gotta get you warmed up."

"I d-don't like b-being carried," Hiro pouted attempting to sound upset, but it was half-hearted and he sounded fatigued.

Hiro quickly put aside his humiliation and wounded pride and allowed the man handling to continue as the wind intensified. I had to admit, I was also colder than I was comfortable with. It was a bit of a walk from the lake back to the house but we made it in pretty good time, though Hiro was slowly descending into a state of constant confusion the entire way there.

I carried the moron into the living room and gently set him down on the couch. This was not going to be fun for either of us. I was somehow going to have to convince Hiro to take his clothes off and replace them with warm ones on. It wouldn't be so difficult if he didn't currently have the attention span of a goldfish with ADD. He kept staring off into nothing every few seconds and had a bewildered expression plastered on his face. It was like Hiro was aware of his own existence but only intermittently.

I rushed upstairs and rummaged around for warm clothes for a minute, then dashed back downstairs again to find Hiro laying on the floor… Panic flared in my chest and my stomach did more summersaults than Dick Grayson's parents. Had he just fucking died in my living room!?

Adrenaline hit me like a pimp that just got hustled out of a fat wad of money and I sprinted over to Hiro's body faster than you could say Sanic. I vigorously shook him until he looked up at me with startled, wide doe-like eyes. I almost slapped his shit right then and there.

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph on a bicycle in four wheel drive! I thought you were dead!" I yelled.

"D-did you b-bring me anyth-thing to eat?" Hiro asked drowsily.

"I'm over here trying to save your dumbass, and you want me to whip you up an entire meal while I'm at it!?" I asked, emotions still running high.

Hiro stared at me for a moment then asked, "S-so that's a n-no?"

I thrust the warm clothes at him, "I'll make you a deal. I'll make you some food, if you put these clothes on."

"Ok," Hiro replied, then mindlessly starting putting the warm clothes on over the sopping wet garments.

I resisted the urge to throw him out the window, "Take the wet shit off, and put the warm shit on. You stupid ho."

I left Hiro to struggle through the challenges that lay ahead of him, and went into the kitchen to struggle through the challenges that lay ahead of me. It had been a while since I had done this without a microwave. I almost dropped the pot twice and burned myself trying to light the fire beneath said pot. Stupid Berk and it's no electricity crap. At the very least it didn't take too long to get back into the swing of things and I had the soup ready in no time once I got my life back together.

I carefully brought the bowl of steaming liquid into the living room, kind of frightened of what I might find. Thank god. Hiro wasn't naked and had actually managed to clothe himself in the correct garments. That was definitely a plus. He was still on the floor though. Apparently the couch just wasn't good enough for someone of his fish slapping caliber.

I shuffled over and cautiously handed the bowl of soup to Hiro, then grabbed a nearby blanket and sat down next to him. I bundled him up in the blanket and to my surprise, Hiro scooched over and shoved himself into me before eating the soup. I sat there disconcerted for a moment, then lightly wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his shoulder. Hiro didn't push me away so I assumed it was acceptable to stay there. He had almost completely stopped shivering. That was definitely a good sign. And it was a good indicator that insults were now suitable as a conversation starter.

"You done being stupid today, Tooth Gap?" I asked.

"I don't know Fiske, there are still a few more hours left to fill up," Hiro replied, still sounding a bit tired, "How did I do for my first day of Viking training?"

"Well, you failed with flying colors. Yet I do have to admit, I was very impressed with your bitch slapping skills. I have never seen anyone slap a fish with such finesse before in my life," I replied playfully, "But the whole Viking thing just isn't one of your strong suits."

"What are you going to have me do tomorrow?" Hiro asked.

"Something far away from water," I replied, "Very far away from water."

Hiro laughed, "I thought my fishing lesson was going swimmingly though."

"Eat your god damn soup, Fish Slap," I retorted.

After Hiro obediently ate the rest of his soup, I relocated myself up to the couch and dragged him and his blanket up there next me. He then proceeded to crawl over and make himself comfortable in my lap, then rested his head on my chest. I took that as an invitation for snuggles. I pulled him in closer and thrust my face into his soft, fluffy hair. Hiro looked a little uncertain for a moment but I guess he decided to just put up with my bullshit instead of fight it. He fell asleep two minutes later. Fish slapping must be really work. I should ask him to teach me how to effectively pimp slap my own fish hoes tomorrow. I can see so many different real world applications for that skill set. I just hope Hiro doesn't find a way to almost get himself killed doing that too.


End file.
